Wednesday, October 1, 2008

An Early Thanksgiving

It seems in the last few years, I have been descending into depression. My best friend is studying to be some kind of counselor, and is positive I am suffering from depression, and maybe he is right. It lessened when I moved to Indiana, but my last few months there, it got worse, and since moving back here, has gotten pretty bad. I think it is a combination of a few things, some too personal to mention here, but having to stay with my parents, and I am thankful for that - having trouble finding a full time job, plus other issues, has not helped. Plus, I haven't really connected much with anyone from church, and find myself wondering if I should have moved back, but as a very wise woman told me, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

It has affected my spiritual life. Sometimes we expect God to do certain things, act in certain ways, and when He doesn't, we become disappointed, and frustrated. It seems I spend most of my time pouring out my problems to God, and getting nothing in return. All too often, it has felt like my prayers were just bouncing off the ceiling.

I was praying the other night, and asked God what I am supposed to do. I didn't hear an audible voice, but had a very strong impression, and that was "be thankful". I do lose my focus on what is good in my life, and tend to look at what is wrong, and that unthanklfulness can become bitterness, and soon one is blaming God for everything.

I have been thinking a lot about this the last couple of days, and have decided it must have been God, and that I do need to be thankful. I'd say more thankful, but to be honest, I haven't been thankful at all lately. I am not going to blog a lot about it, but will mention a few things here to get myself started.

I am thankful that I do have a place to stay until I get a full time job and can afford my own place.

I am thankful that I have at least a part time job, and that is paying the bills I currently do have.

I am thankful for my family. Although I have no kids of my own, I would put my love for my 6 nieces and nephews up against most parents' for their kids. I am thankful for each one of them.

And I am thankful for friends. My Indiana friends: Steven, Cindy, Kim, and Kristin, who is now on the mission field. The four of us, Steven, Cindy, Kristin, and I, had a lot of fun times. Kimmy and Kevin, my best "non-holiness friends", I am thankful God brought you guys into my life. And my friends at church. Some of them I haven't really reconnected much with, but they are there, and have been a help and encouragement in the past.

I can't quit without saying I am thankful for freedom, my church, salvation, and second chances. Not many of us would have made it with only one chance, and I am thankful God has never run out of chances for me.

Off the subject of thankfulness, although I guess it is something to be thankful for: the house won't be too quiet for the next few days. Paul & Pam are spending tomorrow night in Amish Country - they somehow got a free motel stay - so the 3 boys will be staying here. When they get back some time Friday, we will be celebrating Josiah's 7th birthday, and my nieces will be staying also Friday night. Paul and Pam will be staying through Saturday, as they are going to Homecoming at AWC.


Kim M. said...

Did you listen to that audio production by Focus on the Family about Corrie Ten Boom? I highly recommend it if you haven't. There is a part in there about being thankful that I think you would really appreciate. :-)
I am also thankful for you my friend