The Love of God Part 3: Overcoming The Doubts

The third and last of three parts on the Love of God. Much more could be said, actually it is an endless topic. I have come from the standpoint of struggling with believing in God's love. The 2 previous posts were on doubting God's love and ways people try to fill the void when they don't believe. This post may be the topic I am least qualified to tackle of the three, but it is also the one I need to cover the most for myself. When you struggle with believing that God actually loves you, what do you do? How do you get past the doubts? Here are some I came up with:



1) Pray. The most important. If you don't do this one, forget any other way. Pray for forgiveness for unbelief. God understands us. He knows why we struggle, what causes us to struggle. He could remove all obstacles, but He rarely works that way. Instead, He helps us to overcome the obstacles. The mountains. If He can do that, then surely He can help us overcome the mountain of disbelieving in His love.



2) Put aside substitutes. Some need completely done away with. The ones that are out and out sin. No arguments. Gambling, any sex outside of marriage, and the like. Others may just need moderation. If you are playing video games 12 hours a day, work it down to 1 or 2 hours. If you don't need to work 120 hours a week, cut back to what you can afford. When the urge comes to engage in the old behaviors, pray, do something good and profitable for your soul.



3) Read the Bible. This should be done daily, but also when we are doubting or struggling with believing God's love. Look up verses talking about God's love, and focus on those. Put your own name in where you can. Instead of "God so loved the world", read it "God so loved Mark", or whatever your name is. Get ahold of a promise book and claim the promises in it for you personally. It is easy to believe they apply to others, but they apply to everyone. Whosoever will.



4) Read books. There are some great books out there that can be of help. I have read some, and am currently reading one. "When God Doesn't Make Sense" by James Dobson, "Disappointment With God" by Phillip Yancey, "Where Is God When It Hurts", also by Yancey. There are many out there. Google it - there are articles on line. There are even some Christian fiction books that address the issue.



5) Music. God and love is a popular theme in Christian songs. Listen to them, and often. I have a play list on my Ipod entitled "songs of encouragement". They are not all songs talking about God's love, but also about His care, and what He will do. "Always Enough" reminds me that there is always enough of God's mercy. "No Limit" points out that there is no limit to His love. "He Paid A Special Price" talks about the fact that Jesus paid a special price for me.



Many people don't like Southern Gospel, but I believe it is a music of encouragement, more so than any other style of Christian music out there. Since it is my favorite style of music, that puts me in touch with a lot of encouraging songs. The trick is to focus on the words, and not just enjoy the pleasing harmony and music.



6) Journal. Or in my case, blog. :-) Seriously, some things are too personal to blog about, so a journal is an excellent idea. Write down what God has done for you. Keep track of the mountaintop times, and when things get rough, when it seems like God isn't paying attention, bring out the journal, and relive the good moments.



7) Remind yourself that just as God doesn't favor one person above another, He also doesn't dislike anyone - even you. Its so easy to believe He loves others, why are you any different?



8) Believe that you are lovable. Your problem with God may be a self-esteem problem. Some people feel bad about themselves because of something they did. Others feel bad because of something that was done to them. Either way, don’t let yourself feel bad about yourself. Work at receiving forgiveness for your failings and giving forgiveness to those who have hurt you. Don’t give in to shame, embarrassment, and negative self-talk. If you do you’ll feel like hiding and will tend to shut out God and others who care about you. Instead, dare to believe that you are lovable and worthwhile and that your emotional needs are important. Then look for loving, gracious people and receive their care as a gift from God. Additionally, try reading and praying over positive Scriptures that focus on God’s love for you.



9) Ask for prayer. Admit you have problems in this area. Don't just pray for yourself, ask others to pray that you can really get a grasp that God loves you.



10) Forgive others. Often when we feel worthless, and unloved by God and others, we tend to struggle with forgiving others. Maybe it is a way of pulling others down to where we feel we are, who knows, but having a forgiving spirit can clear the channels with God.



11) Personalize the Promises. I mentioned it elsewhere, forgetting it was a main point, but it bears repeating. Put your name in the promises to help get ahold of the fact that they are not just for others, but for you.



12) Remember that God loves unconditionally, and He is not surprised by anything we do, or bring to Him. God is love. He can't not love. Get ahold of that fact. He isn't surprised by anything we do. When He died on the cross, and said He loved everyone, He looked across the ages, and didn't find anyone that was exempt from His love. As evil of a man as Adolf Hitler was, He loved him. As horrible as child molestation is, He loves the molester. He loves the sinner, but hates the sin. Most of us aren't as bad as Hitler or a molester, and if He can love them, surely He loves us!



13) Unbox God. Whatever box or mold you have put God in, take Him out. He won't always act how we expect, when we want Him to act. He won't always answer prayers the way we want Him to. But we have to believe that no matter what happens, He still loves us. No matter what. He is love, and cannot do otherwise. The issue isn't Him, but it is us. Our attitude.



Don't ask God to prove His love for you. He did it on a cross 2000 years ago. He has been there, done that. Ask Him to help you believe. He will do that, and remember there is nothing that can separate us from His love. He said so, and God doesn't lie. He loves.



As I close not just this blog, but these 3 blogs, I hope that I haven't only helped myself, but someone else who may struggle in this area, and read my blog. I hope and pray something I have said will be helpful to someone.



One thing I said in my first blog that can cause doubts of God's love, is sin. That has been one for me. I stumbled so much, so often, that I figured God was done with me. There was no way He could love me. I had surely gone too far. This song doesn't talk about God's love, but has been one of the most encouraging songs I have ever run across, so I will leave it as my parting words.



It's Only The First Time



There’s a secret sin that you live with
And it’s tearing you apart
You’ve prayed and prayed, but now you’re ashamed
To ask God to cleanse your heart
But even though you’ve fallen again
When you kneel before Him


Chorus:
It’s only the first time
He’s forgotten the last time
The moment you pray, His grace takes away
The stain of your sin
Just know that in God’s eyes
It’s only the first time
He’s already there to hear your prayer
And forgive you again.


If the Savior says we must forgive
Time and time again
Then how much more will our Lord
Forgive us when we sin
His love is so strong, so wide and so deep
He longs for you to believe

The Love of God Part 2: Filling The Void

This post follows my previous post, The Love of God Part 1: Doubting God's Love. Perhaps this post should be more correctly titled "Trying to fill the void". I have heard it said, and believe, that there is a God-shaped void in our hearts that can only be filled by God and His love. If we don't believe that He loves us, we try to fill that void with something else. When we do that, whatever we try to replace it with, does not satisfy. The appetite for the replacement grows stronger and causes excesses, and often addictions to it, and searching for something else to satisfy, when that fix doesn't work. Anything we substitute for God becomes idolatry. Here are some ways people try to fill that void. It isn't an exhaustive list, but some of the big ones. Also, I should say sometimes people dealing with these things may not necessarily doubt God's love, but are searching for something to satisfy, to fill a void they don't even know they have.



Again, a disclaimer. Just because I discuss something on here does not mean I have personal experience. I did research on this subject.



1) Gambling. This can start small. Bingo at the local fire hall. Lottery tickets. Even something so simple as a raffle ticket. But once someone starts down that path, only God knows where it will take them. Some never lose it all, never get addicted, and gamble with control. Others, especially someone doubting God, quickly form an addiction to it. They often lose all they have, and lose everything, even their families.



2) Eating. There are different types of eating disorders. Some people just eat in an effort to satisfy an empty feeling inside. One that food can't fill, but only God. When food doesn't work, they eat more. They eat when they are lonely. When they are discouraged. Any negative emotion soon sends them to the fridge or refrigerator. Instead of going to a God they aren't sure cares, they eat. Others struggle with bulimia or anorexia. Often, it is rooted in doubting God's love and acceptance of them, and other people's.



3) Shopping. I love to shop. I admit it. I will go a step further, and admit this may be an area where my issues has led me. There have been times I have bought something that I didn't really want. I just needed to buy something. I wanted to buy a new book, and couldn't find one that I knew I would like, so I bought one anyway, and it was one I would never read, but it gave me my fix. My need to buy. I think you can love to shop, and it not be a sign of a deeper problem, but it can be a sign of issues like doubting God's love, and trying to fill the void with stuff.



4) Work. People usually don't become workaholics because they love to work. It is usually an escape. From things at home, or trying to avoid problems, whether outward or inward. A person doubting God and trying to be happy, can try to fill that void with work. In the end, they can lose what is most important. Their family, and their soul.



5) Pornography. It's so easily accessible anymore. You don't have to go down to the adult bookstore anymore and risk being seen. You can do it in your own home on your own computer. It really isn't hurting anyone. What starts as something to do while bored becomes an obsession and addiction. Not always because the person is struggling with issues of God's love, but those who are often pick pornography as the replacement, and what a terrible replacement it is. It can never satisfy, and it is a downward spiral. First it is the soft core. It can even start with the Sears catalog underwear models. Wherever it starts, it worsens until it is the hardcore stuff, and often leads to outright sex. The people who use child porn most likely didn't start there, but went on a downward spiral til that is where they ended up.



6) Sex. It's everywhere. Rare is the TV program that doesn't promote sexual immorality. Premarital sex, adultery. Anyone is at risk, but especially those with issues of doubting God's love. The internet is full of personal ads, often just for sex, chat rooms where people are trying to hook up for one night stands. Sure, people, especially men, seem to be driven to sex. It can be because of visual temptations, but it can also be because of a need to fill that void inside. The void that only God and His love can fill. Sex becomes more than a normal human desire, but an addiction, a drive to get the ultimate sexual experience that will satisfy, but it is an endless search. Sex is a brief and temporary satisfaction.



7) Homosexuality. This kind of goes in with sex, but it is different, so I am giving it it's own point. The reasons people turn to homosexuality are many and varied. They are not "born that way", but can have tendencies, and there are things that can help them go that way. One is a poor relationship with the same sex parent. This often gets transferred to God, especially in men, as God is referred to as a father. If they didn't feel their father loved them, they are on an endless quest to find a man who will love them. Since they can't believe that God loves them either, they have one failed relationship after another, and/or one night stands sometimes up to and over 2000 different men, trying to fill that void inside that only God can fill.



8) Pleasure. This covers a lot of my other points, but can take in so much more. We live in a pleasure mad society. Not all pleasure is wrong. We need fun. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. But pleasure can become an addiction and a substitute for God, whether it be sex, reading, shopping, playing video games, texting. It is a list longer than I have time or imagination to come up with, but no matter how innocent the activity, it can become a substitute for God, and a way to try to fill the void. The void from living a life without God and His love, or simply doubting His love.

The Love of God Part 1: Doubting God's Love

As far back as I can remember, I have struggled with the idea of God loving me. I firmly believe if I could have gotten a handle on it early in life, I would not have had the struggles, spiritually, and otherwise, that I have had. I spoke on this issue a few years ago at my church, and need a refresher course, and decided to put it on here, since I actually kept my notes. Not that I feel I have a way with words, but there may be someone who reads my blog that can use a shot in the arm. Disclaimer: Just because I mention something in this and any blog that follows it, does not mean I have dealt with it personally.

Why do we doubt God's love? So many people seem to dive completely in without ever doubting, yet others have a lifelong struggle to believe that God loves them. Personally speaking, that makes having a true relationship with God pretty difficult.

1) Childhood events. Things that happen to us as children can stay with us forever. I couldn't even begin to list the things that can happen that could cause children to wonder if God really cares about them. With me personally, it was several years of getting bullied and picked on, of always being the last person picked for anything, and knowing that they only picked me because they had to. By the time I hit my junior year, it had died out, but the damage had been done. Getting more of the same in college, though not on the same level, only drove the belief deeper. No one really liked me, not even God, and I wasn't worth much of anything.

2) Wrong image of God. A lot of things can lead to this, but having a wrong image of God can cause a person to doubt God's love. People have many wrong different views of Him: a jolly grandpa who will smile when they do wrong, a cruel tyrant just waiting to punish us for doing wrong, a robot who will do what we tell Him to do, and more. The views are as varied as the people who have them.

3) Bad things happen. There are people who believe in a health and wealth gospel, and they are definitely wrong. Bad things do happen to good people. Just because we are trying to do right does not make us exempt from bad things. Loss of a job, spouse, home, children, health. The list could go on forever. And it can be rough to have faith and believe that in spite of all that is happening, that God does love us and still has a plan. It is so easy to thank God for the good things in our life, and when all is going smooth and well, but when the opposite happens, it is tempting to wonder the opposite: If God is good when good happens, and that shows He loves me, then when bad things happen, is He still good, and does He still care?

4) Religion: The type of church we attend can hurt or hinder us in this area. There is more than part to God. He is a God of love, and He is love, but He is also a God of justice. I think the church is rare that gets the balance just right on those two parts of God. All too many churches go with love, love, love. It doesn't matter what you do, God will love you. They never mention sin, and what will happen to those who sin. They never talk about God being a God of justice who will punish sinners. They want to live under grace, and ignore the rules, and overlook the fact that you still have rules while living under grace.

And then you have the opposite extreme. Those churches who emphasize a God of justice. They practically drive people by fear. They emphasize the rules, not the love and grace. There are many things I like about my church. I do believe Christians should dress differently than the world, live differently, talk differently. Keep all of the commandments, but among it all, God's love needs to be emphasized.

I don't mean this as a criticism of my church, if so, then constructive criticism. Looking back, I can't remember many messages I heard preached on God's love. I am sure there were some. I can remember many messages on hell, missing Heaven, sin, etc. It seems that all too many revival and camp meetings ended with an altar call where the preacher tried to scare people to the altar. I like neither long altar calls, nor ones where people are scared into going to the altar. My personal experience is, if people are scared into going to the altar, or the preacher hangs on til more people go, there is a large percentage who will not truly get help, and if they do, they will be back where they started in no time. I am sure it is easier to get people to the altar by talking about hell, and it should be preached about, but a balance is needed. A balance I don't think we holiness people have.

5) Sin. The further a person goes into sin, often the harder it gets to believe that God could love them, especially if that person grew up in the church. The worse the sin, the stronger the doubt can be that God loves them. It's easy to believe God can forgive the liar, and even the thief, but those who venture into sexual sins, drugs, and worse, all too often find it difficult that God could love and forgive them.

6) Anger at God. Life can be so unfair, and sometimes we lump life and God together, and become angry at God. Why doesn't He do this? If He really loves me, then He would do that. I have read people who say you can be angry at God, yell at Him, tell Him how you feel. I think we should be careful in that area. Being angry with God cannot be good for the relationship, and can lead to doubting His love.

7) Unanswered prayers. Why does God choose to answer some, and not others? It seems that the things we need the most, He never answers, and we are left hanging in the breeze, wondering if He really cares for us, then why doesn't He answer? If you are like me, you start doubting His love, and even your own spiritual condition. It isn't always easy to just chalk it up to the fact that He knows what is best, and has our best interests in mind. It can be all too easy to doubt. Doubt His love, His sovereignty, and sometimes even His existence.

8) Past disappointments. This could go hand in hand with the last one, but can also stand alone. Disappointments can come because of unanswered prayers, but can also come from expectations. We can't put God in a box. Sometimes He does the exact opposite of what we think He should do. He asks us to do what we think we can never do. He seems to sit idly by while our world crashes around us. As we sit in the ruin of what was our life, we wonder where He is. Does He care, and if so, why this? Why me?

9) Bad parental relationships. Our view of our parents can be transferred to God. If a child was abused as a child, often that child will fear God, and not in the healthy sense, and feel like God doesn't love them either, and never could. All too many kids are abused physically or verbally, and even worse, sexually. Those kids will most likely have an extremely difficult time trusting God, and believing in His love for them.

10) Misconceptions of relationships with others. Some people didn't have bad or abusive parents, but their parents didn't act the way they needed them to. They needed more demonstrative love, and their parents weren't demonstrative. Or they needed physical affirmation, and their parents weren't the type to hug. They needed verbal affirmation, and their parents weren't the type to say "I love you" very often. Did their parents love them? Most likely, but we can grow up believing the opposite because they didn't do what we felt we needed to feel loved. That view goes onto God, and He also doesn't do as we expect He should to make us feel loved, so we decide He doesn't love us either.

The misconceptions can come from other relationships besides parents. Siblings, other relatives, friends. Since I have struggled with believing anyone likes me, it is all too easy for me to start thinking someone doesn't like me anymore if they don't seem as friendly as they were, if they answer an email too slowly. That too can rub off on how we view God.

This has already gone longer than I thought it would, so I will continue with my next point another day: What people do to feel the void when they don't believe in God's love.