Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The depression that is mine

I don't often get very personal on here, but would like to ask for prayer of anyone who reads my blog.

I have mentioned this before, but for the last two years, I have been battling severe discouragement and depression. I finally started seeing a doctor back in August. She put me on an anti-depressant, and after a month, it was helping... but has quit helping. I am more depressed than ever, and it is affecting everything:

I love to read, but have to force myself to do so. I only read the books I get to review, and that is a chore. I have a stack of books I have bought in the last few months to read, not review - and they still sit. Even two from my favorite author.

I love Christmas music and always start listening in late September/early October - but I have no interest in it yet. I am even dreading Christmas, which I normally love.

About the only thing I still enjoy is shopping - even for books that I don't read.

I am constantly irritable and angry.

I have a doctor's appointment next Friday if I can go - I have jury duty. I plan on telling the doc how I am doing, and I know she is going to urge counseling - which I may need, but there are issues - they have counselors who go by your pay, as the doc does, but they would be secular and could screw me up more than I am already. I have no idea where to find a good Christian counselor, and couldn't afford one even if I did.

Anyway, I'd appreciate prayer... this is far worse than anyone realizes - I do a fairly good job of covering it up most of the time. Thanks.


Peter P said...

I am in the same place right now.

If you can find a Christian counselor somewhere, I'm sure God will come up with the money to pay for it!

Try asking your doctor if there is a different medicine you can try... or an additional one.

Wellbutrin just didn't do the job for me this time around, but when I added in Zoloft as well, things improved greatly!

You're not alone in this!

Annette W. said...

Depression is so hard...and no two people recover in the same way.


Trinity Rose said...

I will be praying for you.
God loves you more than you know.
Keep reading your Bible and pray really often.
Trinity Rose

Christy said...

My pastors wife was battling depression herself and she finally decided to get counseling. You can look up christian counselors on the internet. She and her husband will both tell you that the counseling worked better than anything they tried and I am sure if they could talk to you they would tell you to go for it...try it. You went through A TON growing up, especially at school and I believe that you would get a fair amount of help from counseling. I called a telephone counselor (yea, they have those too) for issues I have dealt with...and it was huge help. I am not ashamed to say that as soon as my husband comes home we ARE going to counseling. seperately and together.

Betty Jo said...

Hi Mark,

I know of you from friends. Please know that you are not alone in your depression! I've battled depression for many years. Finally the Dr. put me on a medicine that works. I was very hesitant to try it because of the negative connotations it has, but I finally agreed. It has truly changed my life!

I also agreed to counseling, which has also had a dramatic effect on my life. God's Bible School has a counseling center, and they may be able to recommend a good Christian counselor. Try contacting Rebecca Miller at rmiller@gbs.edu.

Another thing...and I'm hesitant to mention this, but I'm also a single person. If you'd like to make a new friend, I'd be willing to be a friend! :)