33 Hours, Amy Grant, and Trusting God

This week has been a bummer of a week so far. First, they changed the schedule around at work from what was originally posted, which messed me up for doing much this week in the evenings. It takes me 2 days to get my freight done: Monday and Tuesday. Then I start ordering for the next day on Wednesday and finish up on Thursday. Well, they had no cashier for Tuesday night, so I got to run register all evening while my freight just sat back there - it is suppsosed to be done Tuesday, but they make exceptions when it is convenient for them. I did manage to get the freight done yesterday, but only got about an hour done ordering, which means that I will need the whole night tonight to order, and if they call me to the register much, I will not get it done on time. I just love my job! I swear, if it were easier to find work, and I didn’t just have a few months left, I would sing "Take this job and shove it........."

I am really looking forward to Friday evening. One of my very favorite groups is the Booth Brothers. I have wanted to see them in person for quite some time, but they have never been close enough. Now they are. So in about 33 hours, I will be sitting waiting for the concert to begin. I can’t wait! Even a couple of friends who don’t like Southern Gospel much, like this group. I can’t understand non-Southern Gospel lovers. Did they miss out on the good taste gene or something?!

Speaking of music, I have found myself listening to someone I never thought I would enjoy: Amy Grant. I have some of her Christmas music, and a hymns project, and have a few other songs like El Shaddi, and suddenly realized I liked any song I ever heard her sing, so I got ahold of some more of her stuff, and am really liking her stuff.

Its sad though, how far she has come. I listened to a collection of her greatest inspirational songs, which is pretty much her earlier stuff, then her later stuff, which has good songs, but no spiritual substance. Her music videos are suggestive and sexually charged, and it makes me wonder where she went wrong. What turned an innocent young girl who sang some really good songs, into a pop star who divorced her husband and married her golfing buddy, claiming that nothing happened between them before her marriage ended. Maybe nothing did, but it looks bad. I watched an interview on DVD she did for her new greatest hits CD. Her reason she gave for changing music styles was that she felt she was doing the same thing over and over. Sad.

Is fame and wealth really worth it, if you sell out? I’d love to have more money. I could sure use it right now! But if a lot of money, and a career that makes you famous, takes you away from God, it cannot be worth it. Now I am not saying Amy Grant is not a Christian, but I remain firm in my belief that if a person is a genuine Christian, it will show. If they are a celebrity/singer, etc, it will show in the songs they sing, the things they act in, etc.Who knows what Amy Grant may have accomplished had she remained a Christian singer, and not moved to the pop genre.

There is a song on one of her older albums that I love. Pretty cool song: "Old Man’s Rubble". You can interpret the song to say what you want, I am sure, but for me, it convicts me that I am just sitting back, being depressed and worried, and not really living. I’m not sure how to get on top of things. I still pray, and all that, but inside there is a giant wall of mistrust and unbelief toward God. I wish I could believe that He would make a way for me to move back to Ohio with the funds I need, but I don’t. If I believed that, I would’t worry so much. I worry about my credit problems. What I am going to do in Ohio, where I will live, how will I afford living by myself, and the list goes on. In a way, I am living in an Old Man’s Rubble. It’s tough to get out of it though.

How do people get to the point of trusting God, even when they lose everything? I don’t come close to having the problems some of those people have had, and it boggles my mind. I can point to the place when I started having the most problems. Don’t get me wrong, it is always been an issue, trusting God, believing He really loves me. A few years ago, I hit a point where I was starting to have financial problems. I tried to find a part-time job to help, but had no luck. This one month, I knew if I paid my tithe, I wouldn’t be able to pay all of my bills, but I paid it anyway, and prayed that God would provide the rest of what I needed. It didn’t happen, and from that point on, my finance problems got worse, til now, I have terrible credit, and have collection agencies after my hide. But even worse, what faith I had has been severely damaged ever since.

Why didn’t God provide? I have no idea.I have heard and read so many stories where He did for so many people. Why not me? Had the money come in, would my faith have been stronger then, and now? Only He knows. I just know that living this Christian life has been rough when I’m not sure I matter to Him.

Well, I didn’t mean this post to go so negative. I do want to make it to Heaven, and if I have to go with money problems, and feeling like I am at the bottom of God’s like list, then so be it, as long as I make it there.

Pray for my friend, Kimmy. Her mom has cancer, and it is looking like she doesn’t have long.

Are you living in an old man’s rubble,Are you listening to the father of lies?Are you walking with unnecessary burdens,Are you trying to take them upon yourself?If you are, then you’re living in bondage,And you know that’s bad for your spiritual health.And are you trying to live by your emotions,Are you putting your faith in what you feel and see?Then you’re living just to satisfy your passions,And you better be careful ’cause you’re being deceived.Are you living in an old man’s rubble,Are you listening to the father of lies?If you are then you’re headed for trouble;If you listen too long you’ll eventually die.Are you living in an old man’s rubble,Are you listening to the father of lies?If you are then you’re headed for trouble;If you listen too long you’ll eventually die.Are you puzzled by the way that you’re behaving,Do you wonder why you do the things you do?And are you troubled by your lack of resistance,Do you feel that something’s got a hold on you?Well deep within you, there’s a spiritual battle;There’s a voice of the darkness and a voice of the light.And just by listening, you have made a decision,’Cause the voice you hear is gonna win the fight.Are you living in an old man’s rubble,Are you listening to the father of lies?If you are then you’re headed for trouble;If you listen too long you’ll eventually die.If you’re living as a new creation,If you’re listening to the Father of Light,Then you’re living in a mighty fortress,And you’re gonna be clothed in power and might.But are you living in an old man’s rubble,Are you listening to the father of lies?If you are then you’re headed for trouble;If you listen too long you’ll eventually die.If you’re living as a new creation,If you’re listening to the Father of Light,Then you’re living in a mighty fortress,And you’re gonna be clothed in power and might.But are you living in an old man’s rubble,Are you listening to the father of lies?If you are then you’re headed for trouble;If you listen too long you’ll eventually die.But if you’re living as a new creation,If you’re listening to the Father of Light,Then you’re living in a mighty fortress,And you’re gonna be clothed in power and might.