When you don't like your church/ Why do we go to church?

I have discussed some of this stuff in my blog before, but it has been on my mind a lot lately, and I actually feel like blogging, so I decided to throw my thoughts out there. They are quite random, and to any of my fellow church goers - sorry, but this is how I feel.

Why do we go to church? Is it just because the Bible says we should? And yes, it does pretty much say that. Hebrews 10:25 - And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near. (NLT) So do we go because we have to?

Do we go to be around others of like faith? For fellowship?

Or do we go to hear a sermon - could do that on the radio or TV.

To worship? We could do that at home too.

I think it is kind of a combination of all of those. We go to church to worship, fellowship, be around others of like faith. But what happens if we feel we aren't getting what we need? Most people move on to another church - and sometimes another.

I am going to make a shocking statement. I'm not happy with my church. I don't feel I am getting what I need from it. Whose fault is it? Some is mine, I will freely admit, but is it all mine? I don't think so.

I moved away to another state for two years. Up til that time, I thought my church here was the best ever. When I was in Indiana, I often compared the churches, and in my opinion, the one there did not measure up. Oh, there were things I liked about it, and even places they did better than my church here, such as the emphasis on their Christian school. (I've stated that my church has become too politically correct and don't push our school much for fear of offending the home school people in our congregation).

I moved back two years ago in June, and it seemed everything had changed. Or did I? Maybe both. I used to really feel a part of the church. I felt connected. Now I don't. I find myself wondering if I quit, how many people would notice. I'm sure some would, but how long would it take for them to notice I was gone. Two Sundays? A month? A few months?

I firmly believe one issue is the new format the church has gone with for the youth - those between the ages of 13 and 22. For someone that was away from the church for two years, and then came back, it seems like that is all the church cares about. I'm sure I am exaggerating the issue, but they talk about this "youth focus" constantly. They even set aside a service a year to talk about it and have the youth do the evening worship service - this past Sunday night was such a night. I rather stubbornly stayed home with the attitude that I didn't need a reminder that all the church cares about is the 13-22 age group. Juvenile of me? Maybe, but I'm not the only member of my family who feels that way.

While the youth have their meeting on Sunday evenings from 6:15 to 7:00, there is a Bible study for everyone over that age. Don't get me wrong, I really like the guy who has it, but I wish the format was different. It really isn't a Bible study. Sometimes it is, but it is kind of like another preaching service. I wish we would do a real Bible study - maybe small groups or something along that line, but it seems the church doesn't care about us - as long as the youth are in the basement having a good time, that is all that matters.

I may sound bitter. I'm not. Disappointed, maybe even disillusioned. I long for more of a connection at church. I'm not the only one who feels that way. I was recently talking to a guy from church who is married and has two children. He stated that they felt the same way. Disconnected. Is it due to the new major focus on youth? It may play into it, I don't know. I do know that before this new format was created, they used to have get togethers outside of the church for the youth, and they would also do them for married people and people outside of that age bracket. With the new format, the latter has been dropped off the grid.

A few of my friends have talked about trying to have something for our age group who are single, but part of the problem is there aren't many of us. I organized a get together at a restaurant a couple of months ago. There were five of us, and there were a few more people that could have come, but didn't make it.

I read and hear about churches that have community. Fellowship. Connection - and I long for that, yet is there a perfect church? Of course not - and there is a danger of searching for the perfect or ideal church. I know of people who have changed churches more than I change socks. Ok, exaggeration, but they have changed way too often. All too often in cases like that, the problem is not the church or the pastor, but the person hopping churches.

So is the problem me? As I stated already, I'm sure part of it is. It isn't easy being my age and single. It is actually pretty rough. And I could be wrong, but from a guy's standpoint, it seems harder for a guy. The single women I know my age and over seem to have an abundance of other females to hang out with. Guys my age do not have an abundance of other guys to hang out with. And therin lies a lot of the problem. I'm lonely. Oh, I'm around peolpe a lot, and currently living with my parents - but you can be around people and still be lonely. I'm lonely here. I'm lonely at church.

I've looked at other churches, but can't see me changing. I hate change, and often stick with the familiar, even if things aren't going well in the familiar. Plus, looking at churches in my area, I can't see any I would be any happier at. Some are too big. Too strict. Too liberal. Plus, I don't adapt well in an environment where I don't know anyone. At least in my church, I know most of the people, and my family is there. So what's a guy to do? Stay where he is and wish things would change - or make them change. Some of we singles have talked about it, but what do I have to contribute if we did start meeting for some kind of Bible study. I've never been a leader, and lately with dealing with depression and what seems to me a mid-life crisis, I want to be ministered to, and don't feel I have anything in me to do any ministering or teaching. And yeah, I'm serious about the mid-life crisis.

I've actually considered quitting church. I think a person can worship at home, yet a big part of me feels that is a bad idea. I'm way past the "what would people think" issue - I don't much care what people think of me anymore - yeah, I know people say that and don't mean it, but I mean it.

The thing is, I used to love going to church. A lot of people would just chalk my issues up to spiritual ones. And that could play into it. I have always struggled to believe God actually loves me, and these last two years have been the worst in that department than ever before in my life - so yeah, going to church and worshipping and hearing about a God who I can't quite believe loves me isn't easy. In fact, it makes serving that God rough over all.

Is it wrong to expect more from your church? I've heard the mantra that you should go and put something into the service - not go expecting to get something out of it. But what if you're hurting, and have nothing left to give. Instead, you need something - what then? Is the mantra still true that you have to put something into the service to get something out of it?

I've talked about wearing masks in church. Maybe by this post, I am partially removing mine. Oh, I will never remove it completely. People can't handle that, no matter how spiritual they are. But I will give this peek under it: I am unhappy with my church and feel disconnected and deserted by it. There, I said it.

I'm not sure what I have to do at church to cause people to care. I used to testify in church on a semi-regular basis. Speak up and comment when the occasion called for it. Now, I'm the opposite. Does no one notice when you're dying on the inside? Why don't the people you have gone to church with for years notice something has changed? Are we too busy? Or do we not care? Is the church too big?

I grew up in a church that averaged around 70 - 90 people. If you missed a service, people noticed. You would get a phone call or two - some of them may have just been nosey, but not always. At our church, you miss - and nada.

Is part of the problem that we have become a fast food/drive thru society - that it has crept into the church? We race into church, sing, put money in the offering, listen to the sermon, then race back out of church to get back to our busy lives. We have no time to notice the hurting and lonely among us. The visitor. The person or couple who is teetering on the edge of changing churches and wondering if anyone cares if they do. If anyone would notice.

What would it take for me to like my church again? Glad you asked. Here are a few ideas:

To feel connected again. To feel I am actually part of the church.

To have more of a focus on people out of the age group of 13-22. Sure, they matter, but so does everyone else.

To have a different format for the Bible study time. Small groups or something like that.

To have some kind of gatherings outside of the church - oh, there is dangers in too many social stuff, but its good to be with Christians outside of church too.

Well, I more or less unloaded and have probably said some things my fellow church members won't agree with or like - but hey, its better than taking a sign to church with my complaints/issues.

I may get comments from people saying I need to leave - maybe they're right, but it would take more energy/work to go church searching than I have - so I will hope and pray some things change.